Doernbecher and Gratitude

Doernbecher Children’s Hospital is a place for gratitude. 

Let’s be clear.  My stay there 2½ weeks ago was no walk in the park…

·        Major back surgery for my daughter

·        Sleepless nights for me (in a body that is still in cancer recovery)

·        Watching my Lizzie suffer almost constantly with pain and discomfort

·        Trying my best to appropriately help a 16-year-old who truly didn’t want to have to be helped

·        Watching my daughter’s breathing rate drop to 5 times a minute

·        Emotional, physical, mental and spiritual utter exhaustion

·        Almost passing out in the recovery room (don’t laugh – I’m a confirmed medical wimp!)

But I found that Doernbecher is a place for gratitude. A strange place for something like gratitude, really, with so much suffering that is sometimes palpable within its walls.  The suffering you see just by walking through the halls is so deep, so diverse and so intense.

·        A mommy holding a infant’s hand as he is rolled down the hall on a tiny hospital bed

·        A single mom completely alone in the surgery waiting room with a high tech empty wheel chair sitting beside her

·        Signs for “school” that remind you that some kids are here for a very long time

·        A toddler screaming in pain in the middle of the night

·        Pediatric cancer wards

And then there was the serendipitous (read: God ordained) timing of being at Doernbecher at the same time as my dear friends the Phelps.  The Phelps family and I have a long and (at least from my perspective J) happy history.  I met my husband while employed at their bookstore in Medford over 20 years ago (and that, my friends is still happy!).  They are a dear, faith-filled family… now 3 generations of blessing to the Rogue Valley. 

Brian’s 17 year old daughter was admitted about a week before Lizzie.  When Devynne went into surgery (her 4^th open heart surgery in her short lifetime), things quickly became very scary for the Phelps family.  And stayed that way.

·        An expected 5-10 hours of surgery turns into 2 surgeries lasting 18 hours

·        Difficulty controlling bleeding

·        She goes into cardiac arrest several times on the operating room table

·        Unexpectedly needs dialysis

·        Back into surgery the next day to control bleeding

·        Problems with the dialysis machine

·        Her lungs struggling to get her oxygen

·        Concerns about long-term brain damage

·        A doctor telling the family that it was the scariest thing he had been through (OH. MY.)

And THIS is just the tip of the iceberg of their first TWO DAYS!!  They are still at Doernbecher.  She remained unconscious for over a week.  Devynne just got out of ICU a few days ago… after multiple terrifying, gut-wrenching ups and downs.  Now the family is figuring out how to do dialysis at home.  Possibly long term. 

I cannot even imagine.

It seems like gratitude is all about perspective.  Right?  MY daughter is just fine, thank you.  They did a big back surgery.  Things turned out well. Doctors are happy.  We are fine.

Here’s the miracle:  Brian and his family are grateful.  (WHAT?!?!)  But they are.  And with good reason.  Dev is alive. She is recovering.  She is back with them.  They have deliberately chosen to be thankful. The whole way through this ordeal.  A most certain beacon of light and truth for all of us.  (Prayers for them are still deeply appreciated.)

There is always someone in this life who has it better than me in some way.  There is always someone who has it worse.  There is always – and I mean ALWAYS – something to be genuinely grateful for.

This has kept me sane this last season of my life. I would like to be able to say that my generally positive attitude and profound gratitude through cancer and the other pain we’ve been dealt this year has been a result of my deep spiritual life. Hmmm… It has actually been survival.  I’m a pragmatist.

Gratitude works.

And the older I get, the more clear it is to me that God’s loving instructions to us are very deeply just that – loving.  Because He knows how we function at our optimum.  “In everything give thanks” is not a sadistic command from a god with a twisted sense of humor.  No, gratitude works.  It aligns my often distorted, self-absorbed reality with the True Reality – one where there is a God of love who constantly works His ends toward the most beautiful outcomes for my life, His far-reaching renown and an eternal weight of glory. It keeps everything in perspective.

Indeed, Doernbecher Children’s Hospital (and every other pain-filled location) is a place for gratitude.

“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity…. It turns problems into gifts, failures into success, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow.”

— Melodie Beattie